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[Story] Password – Episode 19

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Episode Title: Arrangement For A Mad Woman

They return to Accra in the afternoon.
Corporal Tinga tells them he will be going to Takoradi for a seminar and so cannot be with them, but he tells Kofi to gather courage and do the needful.
They give him Five Hundred Ghana Cedis for his troubles, and he beams with pleasure.
Kofi’s phone rings as they drive through the Haatso roads.
It is Akweley.
Kofi forces a vibrant note into his voice.
KOFI
Hello, my sexy delicious super love! How have you been?
AKWELEY
(crossly)
I’m very angry with you, K.K. I didn’t hear from you the whole of yesterday evening, and today too you haven’t bothered to call me! Don’t forget we have an appointment with my pastor on Wednesday! I heard you took some days off and you didn’t inform me! You’re not hiding somewhere with another girl, are you?
KOFI
Noooo, my love! How can I do that? I don’t need any girl except you, darling. I was just about to call you. I took some days off to see… to see a doctor, love. Nowadays I’ve been having dizzy spells and severe headaches. Didn’t want to worry you.
AKWELEY
(tenderly)
Awwww! My love! And you didn’t inform me? I would’ve come to pamper you, you know! Very sorry about that! But you know I miss you all the time! Where are you now? Have you seen the doctor yet? Can I come over?
KOFI
No, no, love! It’s quite alright. I’m going to have some lab tests now and show the results to the doctor.
AKWELEY
Ohhh. I hope it’s nothing serious.
KOFI
Oh, no, love. He was mentioning lack of rest and stuff like that. Let me finish and call you back, okay?
AKWELEY
Alright, my love. But pass through this evening, okay? I miss you too much. Maybe we can have a slow one when you come, to drive the blues away!
KOFI
(lustfully)
Oh, yeah! I miss your sweet, sweet, place! Will definitely pass through and pass through you! Love you so much!
AKWELEY
(laughing tenderly)
I hear you, Mr. Passing Through! Love you too much, K. K! Byeeeeee!
Kofi cuts the call and looks sad immediately.
KOFI
(tremulously)
That’s Akweley! She wants to make love this evening… oh, Lord!
ATO
(irritably)
Will you cut out that sadness crap? It’s time to ball up and get this done, and the tears won’t help, man! Cut out that crap! Listen, we’ll find something to tell her in the evening. You come to my place, okay? We need to plan this, and find a way out quick.
KOFI
(sniffing)
What am I going to do? Oh, what am I going to do? I can’t dip a mad woman! You know I can’t, bro! I can’t, I can’t I just can’t! Bodamfo twe de, empare me koraa!
ATO
Hey, hey, hey, my paddy! You can! It’s not as if you’ve been told to hammer the thing. You just drink the medicine, spread some on your bula, and dip it once into the mad woman’s toto. That’s all, man! Don’t go saying all those bullshit things! If you don’t do it, you’ll lose your fiancee, you’ll lose your job, and Sajili will take you to India to sing jaguu jagaa, malaguuuu oh oh jabaaaaa!
KOFI
(smiling)
Aboa like that!
ATO
(giggling)
Your mother! Next time play with women’s feelings!
Ato takes Kofi to his apartment at Westlands.
They buy some kenkey and fish on the way.
Kofi is feeling a little better, and they begin to eat.
He pours some water to drink, and then suddenly tears film up in his eyes again.
KOFI
(sadly)
And where am I going to find a mad woman? And how am I going to put my thing inside her? What if people see me? Ahhhh, the disgrace, the shame alone!
ATO
(exasperated)
You koraaa why la? Aaaaba! Eat komi ke kena and stop thinking about mad women! Tomorrow we’ll plan!
KOFI
But I only have up to the day after tomorrow to do it!
ATO
Don’t worry, brother! Eat and rest! We’ll definitely find a way! There are a lot of mad women in Accra. Don’t worry koraa!
After eating, Ato tries to take Kofi’s mind off the problem by playing FIFA 2017 on the X-Box One console with him.
A call soon comes on Kofi’s phone.
He looks at the screen, and then the sides of his mouth drop and he begins to look fearfully sad and broken.
Ato drops his controller and looks at his friend with pity.
ATO
(softly)
Is it Akweley again?
Kofi shakes his head, tears swimming in his eyes, and holds up the phone.
KOFI
No! Not Akweley. Sajili… oh, what does she want again?
Ato stands up, takes Kofi’s phone, opens the back, and removes the battery.
Next he goes to his bedroom and crushes two tablets of a sleeping pill.
He puts the powdery drug into a glass and pours some scotch on it.
He returns to the living-room and puts iced cubes into it, and then he gives it to Kofi after shaking it well.
ATO
Here, man, drink up!
KOFI
(sniffing)
What is it?
ATO
Just drink the f—–g thing, man!
Kofi nods, and drinks it.
A few minutes later he stretches out on the carpeted floor, and a couple of minutes later he starts to snore.
Ato sighs deeply and picks up his phone.
He walks into the bedroom and makes a call to his friend, NII LIN.
NII LIN
Eeeei, saman! Father ghost! Eiiii! That’s why the weather make so black! Eiiiii! You dey call me today after what, like two years?
ATO
(giggling)
My paddy, cha how be? I call you teeeey! Ei, if you make rich man yob me o!
NII LIN
(laughing)
See am! Your eye die now you wan flow nigga fans. So chale how far? I hear from you keep roff!
ATO
Cha, I chork well, by grace. E be my best nigga who get some massive problem, bro. Some Indian chick put some juju for e p—k top wey ridee the p—k no dey jack! E dey come marry too, so the situation make roff like maame wata e c–t inside!
NII LIN
Oh, cha! That be sad, man! Too sad! But you for try carry am to some mallam make e comot the curse give am.
ATO
Oh, we go, bro! Some policeman bi carry we go some bush inside go see some fetish priest! Heeerh, paddy! That place you for comot all your clothes and put your p—k for naked before you walk inside!
NII LIN
(cackling with laughter)
Heeeerh! No be easy! Eiii, all that wahala because of small tushy o!
ATO
(laughing)
I tell you! Anyway, the aft be sey my paddy for put e p—k inside mad woman e toto inside like one minute bi, abi you see that kan tin? The trouble be sey if we go outside go look for some mad woman, the police go fit barb my paddy, then e go turn another problem altogether. But then I come remember sey you dey job for the ADADA ASYLUM, then I start dey think sey if you go fit make some arrangement give my paddy so sey we go find some coins give you, then you go give am one of the mad women then the asylum so that my paddy go fit dip e p—k inside am.
NII LIN
You dey talk pleeenty, massa! You no get problem. When e wan do am?
ATO
E for do am the day after moro!
NII LIN
No P. You bring am like around midnight moro, right, then I go fix am. I go arrange everything plus the security men so just bell me when you reach the gate.
ATO
Oh, cha! God bless you waa! You save man e neck! We go crosh then. We go do you fine, make you no fear!
NII LIN
I dey for you, massa! I go wedge you guys!

Updated: May 16, 2018 — 5:32 PM

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