Episode Title: Kicking The Hen’s Head
I think he says we should choose one.
Yesh, yesh, chuush wine!
Kofi and Ato exchange looks.
I don’t know, bro. Just take one. As for one corn seed I’m sure any of the buggers can swallow that, at least.
Hmmm. Okay, I’ll take the one in the middle.
Kofi takes the middle hen and they return to Mallam Busanga.
The attendant gestures to Kofi to put the hen in front of the fetish priest.
Kofi puts the hen down.
It makes no attempt to flee.
The Mallam opens his palm.
There are five corn seeds in his palm. He drops them on the floor, just in front of the hen.
The hen clucks excitedly and picks up one corn seed in its beak. It turns it over and over and over.
Kofi and Ato are looking on with open mouths, praying that the hen will swallow the seed, but it suddenly drops the seed.
It picks up another, rolls it, and drops it again disdainfully.
And then it gets to its feet and begins to strut lazily away!
S–t. D–n s–t! Akoko Sajili!
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Kofi gets to his feet blindly and stumbles after the hen.
Hey! What’re you doing, Kofi?
Bad hen! Go and eat! Go and eat!
The hen begins to run, and Kofi swings his leg desperately to stop the hen.
His foot connects with the hen’s head.
Cukooo! Ku, ku! Cooo!
And then the hen falls down dead.
Kofi stares at the hen with an open mouth, too frightened to move.
The frightened attendant rushes forward and picks up the hen.
He turns it over and over, then looks at Kofi with shock.
Yew fuuuuul! Yew keeeled the cukoo! Why deed yew keeek the cukoo in the head, huh? Why deed yew keeek the cukoo la? Yew keeked the head of the cukoo! Yew fuuuul!!
He carries the dead hen over to Mallam Busanga, who looks at it sadly and shakes his head.
Kofi is still standing, still dazed with absolute shock, feeling even more naked, somehow aware that he has made one huge and terrible mistake.
Even Corporal Tinga looks terrified.
Mallam Busanga is speaking rapidly now.
When he stops Corporal Tinga shakes his head with horror.
What happens now? Kofi messed up, right?
Messed up? He f—-d up! It seems this Indian girl is very powerful! Now there is only the hard way for Kofi if he wants a solution.
And what’s the hard way?
Well, Mallam will prepare some concoction with the blood of the hen. Kofi will drink a little of that medicine, and smear some on his penis and testicles. And then, three days from today, he must find a mad woman and push his penis into her v—-a, and he will be healed!
What? Oh, please, no, no, no! Hey, wait a minute! A mad woman? Did you say a mad woman? Oh, come on, Mallam Busanga, please! Even you, as a mallam, can you find a mad woman and push your penis in her? Let’s be realistic here a bit, please! That sort of thing happens in Ghanaian and Nigerian films! Never thought it happens in real life. Please come again, please!
I’m afraid that’s it, guys. Mallam says that’s the only way now. It must happen on the third day from today, otherwise he will be in deep, deep, deep trouble!
Oh, I beg you, Mallam Busanga! Please do something for me, I beg you! I just tried to make the hen peck just one corn, just one! I didn’t mean to kick its head! Please, Mallam Busanga, can’t we take another hen? I’m prepared to pay any price for it, please, please! Have mercy! I can’t make love to a mad woman, please!
Yew deeedn’t jes keeek the head of the cukoo o! Yew booooted the head of the cukoo! Yew booooted it! Why did yew boooooot the cukoo?
Oh, will you shut up over there? What’s your own, la? Whether he kicked or booted the head, he has booted it! Now it’s dead! Let’s move forward and stop all that jazz la!
Wetin be yew own too? Yor fren keeeled the cukoo! He booooted the head of the cukoo! Why? Why? Why did he booooot the cukoo head?
Mallam Busanga holds up a hand, and everybody falls quiet.
He speaks slowly to Corporal Tinga, who then translates for the benefit of the two friends.
It’s quite alright, guys. Mallam says the spirit of the woman is very strong! She is also well-versed in the arts of the supernatural, and that’s why the hen died. Now, the only thing to do is make sure you insert your penis into the v—-a of a mad woman within three days, Kofi. Mallam says he sees a Dark Cloud following the Indian woman, and if you don’t do it within three days, the solution will become even more difficult!
Massa, don’t bore me! What’s more difficult than putting your bula into a mad woman’s toto?
Kofi Kuntu, still standing, drops his head and begins tremble in a rather pitiful manner, his expression completely crestfallen.
Ato stands up, approaches Kofi, and hugs him warmly.
Don’t worry, Bro! Don’t fret yourself, man! Whatever happens, we’re gonna get this sorted out. This is not the time to lose hope. Every minute we now waste here is crucial. Let’s go and think about how we’re going to find a mad woman for you to dip!
Oh, bodamfo twe! Mebedi bodamfo twe? Oh, dear Lord, I’m dead! I’m so dead!